This morning I awoke feeling drowsy. The sun was peaking over the mountain. Yet, I knew it would not be a day like yesterday. The warmth of the sun had penetrated my skin so much that I momentarily forgot that the world is crumbling. I got up and went downstairs to clean and prepare coffee. It was clear that the day would be overcast. We had planned to shoot a Ricky Reid episode. My partner and I ate breakfast and prepared notes for our scenes. I felt like a ton of bricks was attached to my body.

The shoot went well. The character I played was sick, so I had an easy time with my performance.  The green slime we had used was even easy to clean up. As I was outside cleaning up, I heard three birds in what seemed to be a fight. After a while I realized that two of the birds were hawks.  They circled the cabin, gliding through the wind and swooping to find prey. They seemed so strong. Yet, I saw them shifting against their will in the wind. We went to let the ducks out. We made an area with a swimming pool for them now that it is warm enough to be outside. It is important to me to make others around me happy, especially when I am sad.

I felt so drained. Hungover like. The weather took a turn for the worse as freezing rain and slush began to fall from the sky. I think in some ways there is an advantage to rural life. Yet, sadness can find you anywhere.

My hope today lies in the pen writing these words.