Journals

1/26/2018

I saw a photo of Baudelaire. He looks evil. I had to go to the bathroom so badly on the train, I almost peed myself. I said sorry twice while I was in Chicago. The moments I experienced are like the ones I saw in paintings at the Art Institute. Timeless moments captured, like suffering that results from bad communication. Communication and barriers people have. Sometimes you have to learn the hard way the limits you have with friends.

1/27/2018

We illegally dumped everything I did not want at Salvation Army. There were 3 or 4 white men who looked down and out. There were also a group of  3 or 4 white men in black suits. They stood by, watching us like hawks. We left Ari behind when we went to get our last load from the storage and bring it back.  He wanted to sift through the books I was donating. While we were gone a woman came out back and told him to come back to the store on Monday. They thought he was homeless.

I went to the Music Box after moving my belongings out of storage. There was an organist playing a white organ. After, I met Murph at Chengdu Impression. I spilled a glass of red wine all over his shirt. On our way home the Lyft driver said, “Spending time with friends is nice.”

1/29/2018

I had an appointment with the French consulate. There were a lot of people sitting in the waiting room on phones. I was so nervous when I paid for my visa that I accidentally ripped a 20 dollar bill in half. I was scared that any wrong move and the French would deny me into their world. I left Chicago for good.

1/30/2018

I asked dad when mom leaves the house because I wanted to cook some weed butter. He said, “Oh, she never leaves.”

He proceeded to tell me that she wouldn’t smell it so I should just cook it whenever. He said, “She can’t smell anything.”

1/31/2018

I made the weed butter when mom was at her knitting club. Dad and I both agreed that it stunk up the house. When mom walked in, she asked, “What is that smell?” and lit several candles.

2/01/2018

I went to get a Wisconsin Drivers License today. The woman who helped me said, “Wow, you had a different look back then” referring to my 19 year old self adorned with a lip ring.  She told me about she used to be a teacher but she quit because she couldn’t give anymore. She ended up at the DMV for the benefits but she said, “This is not who I am.” Dad and I both agreed later it still smells really strong of weed in the house.

2/02/2018

I went to go see the Tonya Harding movie. I walked up to the ticket counter and said two for Tonya. He said two for Tonya back at me but he pronounced Tonya, Tone yaa in an irritated tone. I repeated, Tone yaaa back to him and said, “ I didn’t know it was pronounced like that.” It wasn’t, at least in the movie.

2/03/2018

I had a dream about giant jumping frogs last night. I wanted to hold one like a baby but it kept on slipping out of my hands. Then they were all around me jumping 20-30 feet in the air. I became scared one would land on my head. Then I woke up.

2/04/2018

Dad and I left for Montana a day early. We stopped in Minneapolis at Culvers. I ordered a root beer float, a cheeseburger, and fries with ketchup. He ordered a fish sandwich and fries. We got our food to go and it was my turn to drive. The roads were slippery with ice and drifts of snow. I opened a container of ketchup and dad inquired, “You’re going to manage that while you drive?” He was taking his fish sandwich out of the bag and complaining about how big people have to make things. He rummaged his sandwich out. It was in the size of a shoebox. He said, “What is a sturgeon in here?”  Later that night we stopped in North Dakota at a Comfort Inn. We got a room with two beds facing a McDonalds drive through. I drifted off to sleep listening to a crime solving television show in which the missing key witness and evidence to a murder was a cat named Snowball.

2/05/2018

We drove from Jamestown, ND to Chester. Dad saw a pack of wolves. We went to see part of the Superbowl at the place we stopped at in Chester. The restaurant did not have iceberg lettuce, only assorted greens.  I saw a local guy walk out of the bar with a Budweiser in his hand.

2/06/2018

Dad says he continues to smell horse manure wafting through the car. We both planned our funerals before heading into Glacier Pass. I told him I wanted my ashes to be spread with Smokey’s (dog) and Bella’s (goat). I want to reincarnate as a goat with Bella’s size and coat but with the coloring of Smokey’s coat (black and white). I also want Smokey’s ears but proportionate to Bella’s body. And I want to be able to talk. Dad said, “That sounds reasonable.”

2/7/2018

We arrive and I made pot cookies with the weed butter. After eating one I thought it wasn’t working. I ate another. I had to go to bed at 7 pm because I couldn’t do anything else.

2/08/2018

Pot cookies

Pot cookies that do not work

How many shirts is Little Feather wearing?

Lions, cougars, and bears

“I shoot to kill”

Weasel lake is not near Weasel cabin

Books are just as much of a waste of time as television

 

Things we talked about when we snowshoed to Little Feather’s tent in the forest.

2/9/2018

I won a silver medal in skiing today. We went on the Grizzly trail. Even though we were trying to avoid the most difficult one, that is the one we ended up on. While we were going uphill dad said, “If the grizzlies don’t get you the trail will.” Later that day we went to Missoula. We checked into the hotel and watched 2001 A Space Odyssey for a while on the television. Then, we were hungry so we went to a Mexican Restaurant. Hans starting telling us dating stories. He had been stood up at the same Mexican Restaurant. The woman texted him later and said she had gotten sick from eating too much black licorice. Dad said, “What a nice thing to do.” Another story was about a woman who lived in town that looked like the suburbs the whole way through. She had five Pomeranians. They all wore diapers. She kept them in a heated garage. Hans said he could get over the diapers because they tee teed when they get excited. He could NOT get over the number five. He asked, “Why five?” Dad said a farmer once told him, “if you have one, two’s better.”

2/10/2018

On the way back to the cabin from the hot springs we hit bad weather. Hans was driving. At one point the snow was so thick and visibility so low that we had to stop in the middle of a two way highway. Hans said later, “You guys don’t even want to know how hard I was clutching the brake. I thought we were moving the whole time.” As we were stopped in the road a brigade of almost fifteen cars passed by us. Dad said, “Quite the gang there.” We started to move forward slowly. Hans started to lose his cool. “I feel like I’m in a carwash but in this carwash we don’t come out alive!” We went on a ways and the conditions were bad, the dividers were on the highway were really the only indicators where the highway was. Further still, and the road was still not clearing up. Hans said, “ I feel like I’m in a dirt filled vacuum bag.” We stopped at the post office and Hans whipped a doughnut in the parking lot. Later on back at the cabin, dad was looking through Hans’ mail and found a package from someone named Goodboy from California. Hans told my dad to open it and it was soy sauce.

2/11/18

Today we snowshoed back to Little Feathers with beer and cookies. Hans skied because there were only two pairs of snowshoes. His skies were a ridiculous affair on the path, which included having to cross two rivers with steep banks of snow almost 10 feet high on each side. He kept on falling and running into things, one of those things was me. Little Feather had not seen anyone for 39 days. He has been living in a tent for 28 years on his 40 acres of land. He never had 3 people at once in his tent before. We talked about:

Woodstoves

Steam Engines

Pot cookies that work

Pot cookies that don’t work

How Little Feather got his name

The desert

Badass snowshoes

When it gets 30 below outside

Snowshoes being more practical than skies

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