First

You must be a human that lives on the planet Earth.

Second

An American who is able to vote in an American election.

Third

Be white (otherwise, you probably will not be having this conversation). You did not vote for Trump, have an upper-middle-class family member who owns a yacht, has a hot tub in their living room,  kegerator, and lives in a rural area.

Fourth

You must have American anxiety about things not being in your control built up after the election.

Fifth

Go visit your relatives after a year of avoiding them because your communication skills have become adjusted to the technology that rules your life. You also are really “distracted” all of the time. You say you do not deal well with conflict, but in reality, you do not deal with conflict at all if you do not have to.

Sixth

Say nothing until it comes up. At this point, you will know in your gut that the subject is overdue because you are sitting in a rural bar that has a color printed picture of trump posted neatly on the wall (but with no frame) next to a sign that says “gringos were meant to live here”.

Seventh

You have had two beers and you do not feel like getting blasted this evening.The key to this conversation is not being the drunkest person.

Eighth

Hear your relative say,  “I want to fly a giant trump sign in my front yard” while slurring their words saying it, and looking to you for a reaction.

Ninth

Recognizing that this may be a call for attention more than anything having to do with trump. Take a moment and say nothing.

Tenth

You don’t want to leave your relative waiting with no response so you finally say with every calm bone in your body,

 

 “Everyone is entitled to their opinion.”

 

Eleventh

Wait for a response. While you are waiting,  ponder on some thoughts.

Understand that freedom is loosely defined in the United States and means something different for every single person.

Here are examples of the cohorts of freedom in the United States:

State fair people

Yoga people

People that don’t give a fuck

People that give too many fucks

People who ride motorized scooters and probably do not need to

People that wish they were cats

People that have too many cats

Bumper sticker people

River people

People that wish they could grow beards but cannot

Cocaine werewolf people

Marijuana people

Train people

Ambitious people

Money whores

Corporate sluts

Marketing sluts

Pharmaceutical sluts

Food slaves

Self-proclaimed shamans

Bank robbers

Tank drivers

Bus painters

Lawyers

Sage hoarders

Dreamers

Lovers

Fighters

Writers

Poets

Goats

Twelfth

When there is no immediate response from your relative do not worry.  This might mean that either they did not hear you. Or they are absorbing the information you just gave them. Either way, it’s better to leave not knowing their response then to engage in a drunken argument with a relative.

 

Thirteenth

Continue to try and understand how to facilitate communication with your relative that voted for trump. Realize that everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Sometimes the best way to react is to not react at all when someone tries to antagonize you for having a different opinion. Understand to take the emotion out of your choices and life to not simply live your choices, but to be your choices.

 

Fourteenth

Take a swig of beer and remember that even if you are not fighting or complaining about trump with your relative, you most likely will find something else to fight or complain about. It’s family after all.

Acceptance of loving family for who they are is important, and that means loving the entire person for who they are. 

 

Fifteenth

Repeat Repeat Repeat…